Got a Theory
by Kali Cephirot
Summary: Pip decides that Edward needs to take Squirrel lessons, just in case. The good news is that he has found the perfect teacher........ one shot, finished.


**Got a Theory.**

It' a beautiful day.

Of course, Nancy thinks, most days in Andalacia are beautiful, sun shines through foliage in tones of emerald, and there are literally songs waiting in the air. She thinks that it's possible that one day she'll grow tired of it: everyone always being polite and kind to each other and never ever getting angry, but it hasn't happened yet.

But, back to the first point. It's a beautiful day. And usually Edward is out there, helping their people when it's such a sunny day. Being in love with a fairytale prince is still new enough that Nancy still sighs when she sees him in his white horse (even though these days she's slowly but surely trying to teach him that no, even in Andalacia, not ever damsel in distress needs a knight in shining armor, and that many times they are more than capable of saving themselves: it's a slow job, but she has time). But not today.

Today...

"But why do I need Squirrel lessons?" Edward says with a pout, staring longingly at the bright blue sky outside, making Nancy remember being in Junior High and wishing Algebra would finish so that she could be outside already. "Pip! There are people in danger out there, poor peasants who need their king to defeat evil warlocks, ogres and monsters!"

"Yes, your Highness," With a patience that many teachers back in Earth should have, Pip sighs and then smiles, moving to Edward's shoulder. "But just imagine, just for a tiiiiny little second, that we get another witch or warlock who... who uses a curse! And suddenly, we animals can't talk with humans! We don't understand each other! And then, you don't get their help to let you know where the poor little lambs were taken to!"

"Is Mary kidnapping lambs again?" Edward asks. "Saddle my horse! I'll go there and--"

Pip facepalms, and Nancy chuckles a bit, behind her hand, hoping it goes unnoticed. "No, Highness, no! That was just a hypothesis!"

"Oh," Edward actually pouts for that, and Nancy bets that he's barely resisting the urge to cross his arms and sulk, just as she's finding it hard not to go right there and kiss his pout away. "You should have said that from the beginning."

Pip doesn't say anything for a few moments, and Nancy really has to marvel about his patience. In the few months since she and Edward have been married, she and Pip have become good friends, and if she ever thought that squirrels were nothing more than rodents, she's been proven wrong. Pip not only has helped her make friends with most of the animals, he is also surprisingly knowledgeable about fairy-tale politics, which she can't ever begin to express her gratitude for. She believes that marriage is a partnership, even when marrying a prince, and she wants her do her part.

But there are days when even Pip's patience is tried: today is one of those days. He really, really took it hard when he was in New York, being unable to properly communicate.

"So, your Majesty, you're going to have lessons. We're starting today with Squirrel."

Edward sighs. "If you really think I need it, fine. You may start, Pip."

"Oh, no, no, I'm not teaching you," Pip actually squeaks that one, looking a little frantic. Nancy bites her lip no to say a thing. The squirrel then clears his throat. "I found a perfect teacher for you. He comes very recommended."

"Oh?" And just like that, Edward actually manages to look a little bit interested. Nancy has to admit to being intrigued as well. "Who is it, then?"

Just then, someone sighs. A someone with a grave voice.

"Oh, I just love what the king and queen have done with the curtains! Few people are brave enough to use that shade of purple."

Nancy's inner designer feels pleased that it was noticed, so she leans a little to see a tall, rather muscled man with a strong chin and black wavy hair looking around in delight. He's wearing a-- she supposes that calling it a skirt would be wrong, but he does manage to pull it off anyway -- tunic in the same shade of purple as her new curtains. He also has a squirrel on his shoulder, and the squirrel is squeaking in apparent agreement.

"I know! When we go home, we certainly have to tell everyone, don't you think?"

"Squeek-squeekeen!"

"... I hadn't thought about that, but peeerhaps we can just bring Yzma something and don't tell her?"

"But remember: forgive and forget."

"There you are! I was worried you might have gotten lost!" Pip exclaims, rushing from Edward's arm and all the way to the other man's shoulder. Though he is talking to the other squirrel , who sighs and squeaks some more, while the man nods. "Oooh, you were sight-seeing?"

"It's a lovely kingdom," the man says with a cheerful smile before he turns towards Nancy and Edward, now standing. "Hello! You must be the king and the queen! I'm Kronk."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Nancy says politely, a little surprised when the man just stretched her hand rather than kissing it, but it was a little refreshing. "Do you come from far?"

"Oh, yes," both Kronk and the squirrel nod. "First there was the whale, then after it spit us, we ended up in Far Far Away and it's reaally far, but we met the most delightful donkey and his dragon wife and they gave us a ride. We also shared some recipes!"

He beams. Nancy glances towards Edward. He's beaming as well.

"Far Far Away! I've been told of that land, you must tell me about it!" He's almost bouncing. "Is it true that their king is a toad? What about the princess? Oh, how I wanted to go and save her from her tower and--"

"Ehem."

And Edward is immediately by her side, gazing adoringly at her. "But my True Love was waiting me in a land much farther than Far Far Away!"

Kronk, meanwhile, is wiping his eyes with a hankie. "How touching!"

Pip rolls his eyes. "Hey, your Highness, don't forget that you're paying by the hour."

"Paying?" Edward blinks, before he turns towards Kronk. "Are you the one who is going to teach me Squirrel?"

Both the squirrel and Kronk nod. Kronk even grins. "Your Highness! When I'm done with you, you'll swear in Squirrel! Squeeken!"

They look expectantly at Edward. Nancy bites her lip again as Edward hesitates, and then adds:

"Squee... ken?"

Kronk jumps in his place, clapping.

"Brava! You'll be fluid in no-time!" He points towards the door. "How about we take a walk through the garden and we'll tell you how things there are said in Squirrel?"

Edward positively beams at the possibility of going outside, and Nancy rolls her eyes. He can be such a big boy sometimes, especially when he turns to look at her, eyes wide and begging.

"Go," she pushes him forward. "Pip and I still have things to do, right, Pip?"

"You're absolutely right, queen Nancy!" Pip runs towards her, climbing through her dress. "Good luck king Edward!"

But Edward has already ran towards the door, Kronk also running behind him. If there was anyone else, she would say that they're manly laughing. In truth they're giggling like a pair of schoolgirls.

"Nice job," she tells Pip, smirking, an eyebrow raised. "Where in the world did you meet a guy that..." there is no proper way to say 'has the same mental age than Edward has when he is in one of his quests', so she just trails off.

But Pip is all wide eyed squirrel innocence at her.

"I just thought that they'd get along."


End file.
